I envy those with simpler lives for I believe their hearts ache less. Swords comprised of the chaos I fantasized, bleeds me out of my chest. I sit for a moment, wishing to be you -- until I realize -- simple you are not, demons opposed to chaos is what you choose.
Frequently I picture our life together, and of course, we live happily ever after. As if that is how it actually happens... As if distance will not separate us, As if time will not punish us, As if you shared your feelings of depth, As if I shared mine at all. Frequently I picture you... Continue Reading →
As if I were never taught genuity to be real and tenderness to be achievable, I can never fully express my love for you.
I think of who I used to be and sadness looms, for the sentimentalism of the past always seems to interfere with the progress we work so hard to make.
Seated on a barstool - 4 minutes going on 6; I hold my breath for if I dare let the air out, all my unspoken words will escape, All the unexpressed ideas will fade, Leaving a residual skeleton of misconstrued expectations. Seated on a barstool - 4 nights going on 6; My lips lose their... Continue Reading →
I am what they want. Everything at the expense of opportunity; The cost of self-contribution; The diminishment of talent and passion. Blinded by walls closing around me -- I forge an equilibrium. Losing sight of my strengths and strengthening my weaknesses; I am nothing but a flatlined, well-rounded person. The worst kind of oxymoron, if you must. Simply... Continue Reading →
Have... the courage to be imperfect; the compassion to be kind to yourself -- and then to others; Have authenticity. Be willing... to let go of who you think you should be -- to be who you are to tell your story with your whole heart Have the authenticity and the courage to understand that... Continue Reading →
Feelings fleet faster than they arrive, as if something circles in the air pervasively flooding your body with blank ink. Not black. Not red. Blank. The blankness numbs you; there is no anger and no tears -- just the pervading thoughts. I feel like I have been training my whole life for this... The acceptance,... Continue Reading →
I have nightmares I'm on stage just like this... Praising your charm, your humor, all the rehearsed emotions you showed to mask your dark soul -- praising to the crowd who is mourning your loss. Despite my frightful joy, in one years time, I still hear your piercing voice ring through my ears as I... Continue Reading →
FEBRUARY 6th, 2018: A constant variable in a moment's equation -- underestimated yet determines all.
Call me Jay 